On March 18, 2020, I wrote and shared this publicly:
A MESSAGE on emotional intelligence during this time for leaders and those whom this resonates with:
This week, I went out to a few stores and while standing in Sam's club I began to feel this immense sadness. Deep bone rattling sadness as I looked at the lines and lines of people. I began to ache and I understood what I was picking up. The collective energy seems to be panic, but beneath is lot of sadness and in the coming weeks, there will be even more grief, anxiety and depression at a level that many have never felt before.
I sit at the intersection of many groups, belief systems, and practices and there are many messages flowing to me but what is coming through strongly as I write is for the spiritual leaders, ministers and those who identify with this group, to revisit their theology around lament. It is not a coincidence that in my seminary training, there has been a lot of discussion around lament even down to a midterm essay question that continues to repeat word for word over the years. That repetition is not lazy pedagogy but preparation. Other seminaries or ministry apprentice like training may not have engaged in this type of focus on the importance of lament and its inherent connection to praise. However, the time is now to truly sit with what lament means, how it looks, how we can create the safe space for that (for self, family, congregation, and community) and not trivialize any aspect of what is currently happening and the devastation to come. This is not negating faith. In fact, it is opening the doors for a well defined faith and relationship with God and community to be developed and be nurtured. If you do indeed read the bible, you should be familiar with the trauma and pain and lament that is a part of the human experience and that its inclusion in the holy text is a part of the divine experience.
In many ways this moment is about more than "common sense," it is about emotional intelligence. How deep does our empathy and compassion go in times of crisis?
We are in a time where our ability to engage in longsuffering is going to be on display. Whether or not we live what we teach, whether we believe what we say, is required and will be magnified. Are you truly who you believe you are or who your external spiritual persona makes others believe you are? Get beyond ego. Get rid of haughtiness. You must discard of argumentative behaviors on and offline, high judgement of others decisions, and shallow attempts at encouragement that are devoid of reality. Longsuffering requires you to stop rushing past pain, stop minimizing it and to acknowledge and sit with it beyond having words to say. This is not going to be a short "Good Friday to Easter Sunday praise", but a LONG journey of deep grief (of all kinds/for reasons more than physical loss) that cannot be wiped away immediately. Deal with your discomfort of uncomfortable feelings. We have been encouraging therapy and mindfulness practice for years to prepare you for now but many of you have disregarded it for self and others and still tell your followers not to deal with emotions in a healthy way but to only "trust God" with no other coping, thus many are unprepared for the mental and emotional flood. Yet we have some time to go within, get assistance and center in what God is saying/been said and how you are to move. Yes, offer peace, faith, encouragement to trust and also be ready to be present and hold space for something heavier than you've experienced. Soon, many of you spiritual leaders will be needed to show up in ways you currently do not have the capacity for. Get still and prepare your mind body and spirit for what is coming.
for those unfamiliar, I am also a licensed therapist in addition to my theological training. my inbox is always open if you are in need of resources, have questions and want to discuss more.
you are loved.
j.
Soon, many of you spiritual leaders will be needed to show up in ways you currently do not have the capacity for. Get still and prepare your mind body and spirit for what is coming.
As I read this again and again, I inhaled deeply. My exhale was slow as a combination of grief and wonder met me in the room. Grief over the state of the world, the state of the ongoing pandemic, the state of genocide. Wonder over the ways people have and haven’t evolved. The spiritual leaders who have not increased their spiritual and emotional maturity, capacity, and capabilities. And the ones who have blossomed in beautiful ways, the ones who have emerged from secret places of preparation. Are you still preparing and becoming? You do know, we always are becoming…
Who have you become since March 2020?
What gifts of healing do you hold? Is your spirit alive or are you just coping and hiding that you’re running out of bandages?
How has your ego shifted? Has your heart expanded?
Is your body well? Do you give it what it needs or does it still beg for your attention the way it did in 2019?
Are your words wallpaper for a room of projection? Or affirmations of a truth you are living?
Are your relationships truly aligned? Have you grieved the losses and honored the connections?
Have you found stillness consistently? Are you listening to God and responding in embodied ways?
I encourage you to make time to sit with the anniversary of the pandemic that changed all of our lives and is continuing to change all of our lives. Create some space, light a candle, and sit with these questions and the questions that ring up in your soul. Journal. Share. Cry. Laugh. Run over your memories then break bread. Be gentle. You are alive. You are alive. You are alive. You are living through this incredible feat. Another mountain climbed. You are alive!
Know that my heart is with you for the losses you have experienced these past 4 years. They have not been easy. Some of you have lost family to covid-19, some of you acquired disabilities because of covid-19. Some of you have lost dreams because of the pandemic or felt a delay in what life could be today because of the ways our lives had to shift and are organized differently now. I took time yesterday to lament where I thought I would be in 2024 and gave grace to the reality of all that has been.
I pray you honor your heart and set aside some time. If you’d like to share some of your responses to any of the questions, I’d love to hear them.
Be gentle with yourself as you move through these weeks the body can keep the score of from March 2020-May 2020.
Grace and Peace,
You are loved.