Black Friday was there before the Resurrection
a collection of thoughts from a therapist/theologian
For many years I have called Good Friday, the day we acknowledge Christ’s crucifixion, Black Friday because it was not a “good” day when it happened. Only after the resurrection can one look at that day as “good” given the rest of the story, but we have a responsibility to acknowledge the reality of what was experienced by the people who were there on that day. It was nothing good and nothing beautiful. I think it's one of my favorite days to offer all the alternative realities. Because the religious hot takes devoid of humanity truly tire me out. We can't create a new world with those hot takes. We cannot love effectively with that. Acknowledging Black Friday fully takes nothing away from the resurrection but expands our understanding of God. I have written my thoughts in other spaces and offered trauma informed suggestions for how we engage Black Friday and those we are called to serve. Today I thought to share all of those thoughts in one space here.
When speaking of the details of Jesus' last days, I hope you do not forget it was traumatic for others to witness. I hope you do not demonize Thomas or Peter or anyone else who tried to survive something so destructive to their brain and nervous system. I hope you understand your theology must be trauma informed. There is no part of me that is impressed by anyone who leaves that out of their understanding. Peter did not deny Jesus because he had a bad day. Peter was trauma responding to the arrest and impending horrific murder of his friend. Jesus had been arrested. I would imagine that Peter was feeling all of the adrenaline and was in what one might call "survival mode." We don't know how many times Jesus' life was threatened as well as Peter's and the imagery of murder he carried. His brain was protecting him then. We may have done the same. What people fail to realize is that in moments of immense fear and trauma our brains and nervous system kick in to protect us. I imagine Peter's amygdala activated, shut down the prefrontal cortex/areas of the brain that control rational thought, making it hard to think clearly and respond appropriately. That had nothing to do with his faith or his love for Jesus. In fact, Jesus acknowledging that the denial was going to happen can speak volumes to how God knows we will have a variety of trauma responses and we will still be loved.
I pray that we not become so spiritual that we forget the humanity of Jesus and those who loved him. That we forget our own humanity and the ways our own losses and traumas have shaped how we see and feel the world. We cannot forget our humanity, but develop an awareness in our healing because it is what will help us love MORE.
People missed Jesus when he died. People were traumatized when he died. People grieved for years when he died. People cried in anguish when he died. Some remained hopeless for a long time. People were never the same, and not because of "salvation" they received for believing. They were humans who loved. They walked with that man. Ate, laughed, loved with that man. Lost him in a public and violent scene! Wanted to comfort him. Wanted to touch him. My God, who in the crowd thought if I could touch him and give him back power he gave me?
But the state. The state, the government, “rulers” have been tearing up divine love and communities since forever.
Jesus was 33. So young to hold so much and people often overlook this. As we lift up the young people around us, what compassion are we sending them? What is our role of support? What part of what we expect from them is actually our own work to do?
Make compassion the center
If you're struggling to sit with the humanity of the people who loved and lost Jesus then, If you are pressed to rush to “early one Sunday morning,” I can see how you might overlook the people in your personal life now. Do you rush them through their struggles, their grief, their pain? Do you leave them there as though it does not exist because you believe Sunday is coming when their Friday was so horrific, the flashbacks won’t even allow them to move from Friday mentally? Well, I pray you heal the parts of you that cannot understand. I would imagine you may have been treated that way: rushed not loved.
You may wonder, “where do I begin? I don't know how to offer that compassion? I dont know how to shift my theology to hold this kind of space.” It begins with the self. Sitting in your own discomfort, grief, anger, sadness, even in your bursting joy, with compassion. With full awareness. Not running away but breathing through it. Then turning your gaze to the other and seeing them with compassion. Breath work and journaling are wonderful tools to begin with.
For those who are in a dark place
If you are struggling to be present to the narrative of the death of Jesus this weekend because of pain, grief, or loss happening in your life, you have permission to exhale. We often hold our breath so we can push through. But you can let it be. God is there in the exhale. God can hold it all for you.
On Sunday, if you cannot say "Hallelujah, Jesus is alive" because someone in your life died and you want them to be here, I see you. If you cannot get up and make it to a service, it is okay, love. There is room for your grief. Breathe through the tension and be gentle with yourself. Know that you are loved.
My prayer is that in all of this, we become more compassionate, more mindful of the complex realities that people are sitting with, and that we create the space for all of those realities to breathe because God has and does. This is resurrection.
Grace and peace be with you.
Thank you for reading. If you have thoughts to share, I’d love to hear them in the comments and feel free to share this post and cite me.